Start Your Christmas Shopping, Now!

That's right! Go!

It's midnight Friday and that can only mean one thing. Black Friday has arrived! Woooooooooo!

Of course I'm completely kidding. I go Christmas shopping on December 23. Why? This way, everything is already sold out so I have a smaller selection to pick from, and I'm incredibly lazy. The first reason sounds a lot more logical. So we'll go with that.

I kind of just want to watch the Black Friday shopping though. It's a bunch of women in their 40's flat out brawling MMA, WWF, and Boxing-style. Sounds like fun. Go grab a beer and a chair and just sit in aisle 2 or the electronics section and watch the fighting. I'm sure there are a lot of things that are better, and I'd probably get bored after 5 minutes of this, but who knows. There would be a beer.

To those of you actually shopping at 4 am, I have two things to say to you: (1) Why?; (2) Good luck.

Rhetorical Questions and Thoughts

I've been thinking about some things. Here they are.

• Why is the word abbreviate so long?
• Why is there an abbrevation for the word abbreviation?
• Why do the people who lose American Idol always have better careers?
• If the arrow in the FedEx logo is meant to show the company is always moving forward, why does it point to the back of the truck and where the truck has just been to?
• Who is going to calm down The Price is Right contestants?
• Why do the buttons of a drive up ATM have braille on it?
• What does the fifth doctor/dentist believe?
• Are TV channels ever going to run out of ideas for TV shows?
• Are needles used for lethal injections sterilized?
• Who thought early 90's fashion looked good?
• What would be the speed of lightning if it went straight?
• Why do we reach for the stars when we are only about 6 feet tall?
• What do they use to ship packing peanuts?
• Why can you golf and bowl but can't baseball?
• Why the hell is NASCAR so damn popular?

Any ideas? Yeah, me neither.

Seriously, You Took The Elevator Up One Floor?

Don't even deny it, I know you did. I was in the elevator with you, going up 6 floors. You come in running for the elevator before the doors close to hit 1 (we were on the ground floor at the time). There are so many things wrong with this, I'm going to list them.

1. You don't need to use the elevator to go up one floor.
2. You don't need to run after the elevator.
3. You could have used all that energy you expelled running after the elevator to walk up the stairs.
4. The stairs are closer to the door you came in from than the elevator is.
5. See no. 1.
6. Stop acting all cool because you are taking the elevator.
7. Stairs are very good exercise. Up to 4 floors, then it's just annoying.
8. You pissed me off and the other kid who was in there too. I could just tell.
9. Your fat ass should have definately taken the stairs.

Seriously, who takes the elevator for one floor? I know of one person. That's all. Just one.

ESPN Must Have Read This

Remember how I complained about ESPN's incredibly large and obnoxious stat line in my 10-12-08 post? (linked here) Well, ESPN must have listened. Because when I watched SportsCenter after the games tonight, their stat line was back to normal.

Whoever did this, thank you.

Maybe my bitching worked. If it didn't, I'm still going to take credit for it.

Go me.

Intoxicated Test

Since school is in full swing, I decided that you could handle another test.  I mean it's only one more.  And, it's only one question.

Multiple Choice

Identify the choice that best answers the question or completes the statement.  More than one answer may be correct.

1. Drunk people are

a. obnoxious.

b. annoying.

c. loud.

d. stupid.

e. lacking motor skills.

f. lacking common sense.

g. ridiculous.

h. silly.

i. rightfully worthy of a punch in the face.

j. easily irritated.

k. under the influence of alcohol.

l. very controlling.

m. unable to walk a straight line.

n. passing out on my couch.

o. fill in your other favorite trait: ___________

p. contradictory.

q. usually incorrect, when it comes to anything.

r. all of the above.

Bonus Question:

Where did all my beer go?

Answer: If you selected choice (r), you are correct.  Now, I'm not saying that I'm not like that when I'm drunk, nor am I not saying that I am not like that when I am sober.  But throughout the year and a half I've been in college, I am just pointing out my observations. 

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with anything that happened recently; lots of other things have pissed me off that I could write about.  Recent events just propelled me to write this little exam for you.

Disclaimer 2: Answer (r) is the only correct answer, unless you did not fill in anything in choice (o), in which case, you would fail the exam.

Disclaimer 3: Take this list next time you are at a party or club.  I guarantee you will meet someone or multiple people exhibiting at least one or more (likely more) of these traits.

Disclaimer 4: The answer to the bonus question could be one of many things.  I will only accept answers I like from people I like.  If I don't like you, your answer has to be that much better.  I love subjective grading.

Disclaimer 5: Seriously though.  I do not condone or encourage underage drinking (pssshhhh).

Disclaimer 6: No, for real here, honestly, please think when you drink.

The 2008 Halloween Awards

Here are the first annual Halloween Awards winners. The only person who makes decisions is me based on what I saw at the parties I was at last night. I tried to get an awards show time slot on national television, but that didn't quite work out, what a shame. Anyway, here are the winners.

Worst Costume To Go To A Club In: Case of Natural Light. His costume consisted of a large box, a very large box, colored to look like a case of Natural Light. While this costume isn't very creative or engaging, its large space requirement pushed it to the title. Bonus points for him actually going into a club earlier on in the night, and not abandoning his cardboard box.

Most Over Used Costume: Devil. I can't even count how many girls dressed up as devils this year; and I can count to at least ten. I don't know if there was a sale on devil equipment, but there were certainly a lot of devil merchandise available.

Costume Which Brings Back Childhood Memories: Operation Man. Yes, the Operation man. You remember that game. He still earns the title even though he didn't have tweezers with him.

Costume Which Was Talked About, But Not Done: Morning After Pill. It's too bad my friend wasn't able to put it together, it would have been awesome. He would have dressed in all white, and had a baby doll with an X through it. I liked this idea. Creative, out of the box, and something everyone would understand.

Poorly Executed Costume: Ringo from the Beatles. I'm sure people who follow and love the Beatles would have saw it. But when the costume bearer has to ask what you think he is, and later explain it, it the costume is bad.

Costume I Still Don't Get: Short Red Dress, Carrying A Playboy Tray. She did not have the Playboy bunny ears, and the tray was filled with her student ID, cell phone, and cigarettes. I don't know what she could have been.

Costume Which Would Have Been Better 5 Years Ago: Peter Griffin. I know everyone loves Family Guy, but seriously, it would have been better 5 years ago when the show was still relatively new. Should have thought outside of the box more.

Prettiest Costume: Minnie Mouse. This chick was sexy. She wins hands down. Obviously Minnie doesn't bear as much skin as some costumes do, but that didn't really matter. She wins in a landslide.

Best Costume: Tony Romo Dressed As A Baby. By far the most creative yet simple, socially relevant costume of the night. He went all out, had a diaper on, carried a milk bottle and rattle, and had a pacifier hanging from his neck. Here's the best part: he had his pinky taped too.

There you have it, the 2008 Halloween Awards. I hope you can do better (or worse for some the categories) next year. The judging will occur in just 364 days, start thinking about it!