Barry Bonds Took Steroids? NO WAY!

Breaking news today.  Barry Bonds took steroids.  In case you didn't know, or actually believed Barry.  (I don't know why you would.  He grew from a skinny little kid to a large man.  And all the things that don't happen with normal human growth, like the size of his head massively increasing, happened to him.  That can be attributed to steroid use, but I digress.)

But yes, Barry Bonds took steroids.  You knew he had to when the federal government subpoenaed him.  The federal government doesn't lose cases.  Ever.  Why would this time be any different?  Oh wait, it's not.  Poor Barry.  Well, maybe not.

In other breaking sports news:

• OJ Simpson murdered two people.
• The Yankees signed another player for a ridiculously high contract price.
• The Mets blew their 5 game lead in 5 days in September.
• Brett Favre retired, again.
• Pacman (sorry, Adam) Jones got arrested, again.
• No one cares about soccer, still.
• There is talk about changing the NCAA Football post-season, but the BCS isn't going anywhere, again.
• Phil Mickelson lost a major tournament on the 72nd hole by hitting his drive in the left woods, and trying to be a hero when he can bogey and still win.
• NASCAR is the stupidest sport (?) on the planet, still.  It ranks below cricket, curling, and the winter olympic biathlon which combines cross-country skiing and rifle shooting.
• Tom Brady is on the injury report with a sore right shoulder.
• Mark McGuire is not going to talk about the past at a congressional hearing about the his past (alleged) use of steroids.
• Barry Bonds took steroids.