Out Of Many, One

I go to college, so I've obviously drank my fair share of alcohol and played my fair share of drinking games.  All other games fall short of one, the game that essentially bonds all college students together: beer pong.

I don't know what it is about that game.  But it loved by nearly every college student in our generation.  We all play by different house rules, but the object is still the same.  We all have different shooting styles, but we still aim at the same cups.  We all prefer different beers, but we all drink beer.  

Playing is easy; being good at it is not.  It takes a rare combination of skill, luck, emotional control, and having a 0.20 BAC while still being able to shoot a ping pong ball straigh.  Some have much more skill than others; some have a lot more luck than others.  Some would be passed out with a few beers, some can drink a whole 30 and still be (relatively) "fine".

The game itself, once you get relatively good, or think you are good, becomes very frustrating.  That shot that feels so good coming of your fingers, in a perfect arc toward the center of a cup, only to hit the rim and bounce away with authority, as if to say, "you cocky son of a bitch, I'm not going in."  The more it happens, the more pissed off you get.  Don't lie.  You do.  The key is controlling the anger and sink that next shot.  Having a good partner also helps.

As the night goes on, the games get more and more competitive, or at least "heated," because the alcohol takes its toll.  It certainly gets interesting.  What should be a friendly competition turns into World War III sometimes, except without bombs, and guns, and soldiers, and Germany instigating shit.

The game of beer pong is played at virtually every level, ranging from recreational to national tournaments.  The game of our generation is insanely popular.  Rick Reilly even wrote an article for ESPN Magazine about the game.  Will our generation ever stop playing beer pong?  Certainly we will stop binge drinking, but will we ever stop playing?  It's hard to imagine a world were we aren't playing the game that we spent four (or five, six, twelve?) years in college playing.

There are many different variations, techniques, and rules of what is a simple game.  But, regardless of all these differences, it is still one game.  One we all love.

Barry Bonds Took Steroids? NO WAY!

Breaking news today.  Barry Bonds took steroids.  In case you didn't know, or actually believed Barry.  (I don't know why you would.  He grew from a skinny little kid to a large man.  And all the things that don't happen with normal human growth, like the size of his head massively increasing, happened to him.  That can be attributed to steroid use, but I digress.)

But yes, Barry Bonds took steroids.  You knew he had to when the federal government subpoenaed him.  The federal government doesn't lose cases.  Ever.  Why would this time be any different?  Oh wait, it's not.  Poor Barry.  Well, maybe not.

In other breaking sports news:

• OJ Simpson murdered two people.
• The Yankees signed another player for a ridiculously high contract price.
• The Mets blew their 5 game lead in 5 days in September.
• Brett Favre retired, again.
• Pacman (sorry, Adam) Jones got arrested, again.
• No one cares about soccer, still.
• There is talk about changing the NCAA Football post-season, but the BCS isn't going anywhere, again.
• Phil Mickelson lost a major tournament on the 72nd hole by hitting his drive in the left woods, and trying to be a hero when he can bogey and still win.
• NASCAR is the stupidest sport (?) on the planet, still.  It ranks below cricket, curling, and the winter olympic biathlon which combines cross-country skiing and rifle shooting.
• Tom Brady is on the injury report with a sore right shoulder.
• Mark McGuire is not going to talk about the past at a congressional hearing about the his past (alleged) use of steroids.
• Barry Bonds took steroids.

Watch Out For That Poo

If you've ever wanted to get in the face with dookie, now's your chance! Just go down to Tampa Bay where there is a feces-throwing monkey on the loose. He only throws the feces when he's mad, so if you really want to get, piss him off.

The monkey has been on the loose for 24 hours. He's still out there. How can you not capture a monkey? They aren't that fast. And we have technology that's supposed to, you know, help catch runaway monkeys? Oh we don't? I'm sure we do. The monkey managed to evade a bucket truck and a tranquilizer dart. That's a bad shot. You can't hit a monkey? I guess not. I might not be able to, but my job isn't to shoot escaped monkeys. It's probably not that guy's job who was in charge of shooting him, but I still put the blame on him.

Don't worry though, the monkey is not considered dangerous. Unless you piss him off. Then watch out for flying shit.