Hey, People, Get Smarter

Ever encounter someone and then think to yourself, "wow, that's the dumbest person I have ever met," or even go to the extreme and replace "I have ever met" with a simple "ever?" Well, if you say ever, I say wrong! I say that because today I met the dumbest person ever.

I was waiting in line for food and I was hungry, so I could be judging him unfairly, but I don't think I am. After the first time he spoke, I knew he was trouble. He goes to grab some fries and asks me (who has no idea what anything costs, I just pay it) how much they cost because "the price is not listed on the board." I simply respond, I don't know, but I could have simply looked up on the board and indicated that they were $1.30, because it was very clearly posted. Ok, so that's not so bad, but then there was this. His total came to $6.10. After the cashier counted out the 90 cents, which is a lot coins and closes the drawer, the customer goes, "oh wait, here's a dime, give me a dollar back." Then, after about 5 minutes of explanation from the cashier that she will have to wait until my order is rung up to open the drawer and exchange the coins to a bill, comes the soda fountain. Just when you think it couldn't get any more ridiculous, it does.

It literally takes him about 2 minutes to figure out how to work the thing. Apparently he thought it was automatic (he just put his cup under the spout). Then he's looking for a button. (Fair enough, some of them have buttons, except for the fact that this one had big black levers you press the cup up against.) Finally figured that out. You think I'm done, don't you. I'm not.

It takes another 20-30 seconds to figure out which way the lid goes on the cup. After he realized I was more pissed than when a human with a golf club comes within 5 feet of a goose (by the way, they hiss, a lot), he turns to me and says "sorry." I don't know if he was trying to apologize for taking a half hour, or his sheer stupidity, but I took it.

All of that is a true story. Not based on a true story. Not inspired by a true story. But an actual encounter with an actual human (I'm assuming that's what he was. He didn't have antennas or anything, but I really hope he isn't part of my species.)

So, I have an assignment for every person in the world. Use common sense. If you don't have any, take a class in it. I will be publishing a book shortly.