What Are Some Girls Thinking?

Greetings from Ocean City, MD! That's right, this blog goes on location, too. By the way, the ocean is freezing; it can't be more than 60 degrees. They say it is 70 degrees, but my blood froze immediately upon entering. I'm not expecting any sympathy from anyone, I'm just putting it out there.

Moving on. I was at the grocery store shopping for some food for the hotel room and I saw something that really annoys me (hard to believe right?). Why must chunky (read: extremely large) girls wear extremely tight clothing? I almost lost all my appetite while I was in the store. But, I trucked on shopping. Now, maybe it's just me, but what the hell? I mean come on. Think about what you are going wear and your figure before you put it on. I mean, I kind of feel bad for them. Doing that certainly turns heads, but in the other direction.

Maybe I am coming across a little mean, and maybe that's my intent. I'm not quite sure. Kind of like I'm not quite sure what those kind of girls are thinking.

I'm not saying guys don't wear things that don't exactly compliment their figures. Kind of like large gentlemen wearing speedos. Or anyone wearing a speedo in general. Speedos, just, ew.

So, I guess the moral of the story (yes, I give advice too; is there anything I don't do on this blog?) is think about what you are wearing before you actually put it on. Some clothes are made for some people, and, well, some clothes just aren't.

Move Over Marvin, There Are Other Aliens On Earth Too

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24070088-13762,00.html

Yes, you heard it (well, read it) here first. Aliens have visited Earth on many occasions and all the governments in the world aren't telling us! Who is saying this, you ask? Not some drunk guy with no future trying to get into the Ripley's Believe It or Not museum, but a former NASA astronaut who holds the record for the longest moon walk. Maybe the lack of oxygen on the moon finally got to him.

I have no problem with people claiming that there are aliens or that even aliens have visited us on earth. But all the governments in the world have been covering this up for 60 years? That is a very coordinated effort. I mean, we aren't all exactly friendly with each other. Unless covering up alien encounters and visitations is the only thing all the countries agree upon. And, to be frank, I don't think that's possible. Yes, call me a skeptic, but come on, all of them? That's certainly a lot.

But NASA is yet again calming me down. They are just on fire this month with making sure I don't poke one of my eye balls out (see Sex in Space post). According to a spokesman, "NASA is not involved in any kind of cover up about alien life on this planet or anywhere in the universe." Whew, I knew the government wouldn't keep important information away from the public.

Here's the kicker, though. The only reason why we weren't all killed when they came is because the aliens are friendly. Their technology is much more sophisticated. But Marvin the Martian just wants to distroy Earth. When he can't, he just gets really mad. There seems to be an inconsistancy between the cartoon and this astronaut's actuality.

But just in case aliens really are visiting this planet, maybe they can book a hotel in the US to help our economy.

Attention Newspaper Writers: You Can Overuse A Pun

I was planning on continuing my thrilling series on government banning fast food and trans fats, which is one of the few (ok, a lot of) things that really irritate me. Then, I read the title of the article and decided to write about that instead, because bad humor irritates me too. And, why focus on one irritating thing?

The article was about California being the first state in America to ban trans fats. The title, you ask? "Hasta la Vista, Artery Cloggers! Arnie Terminates Trans Fats." Can I get a what, what? Honestly, that is by far one of the worst puns I have ever heard. Using lines from Schwarzenegger films in titles and calling him the "governator" was funny for about the first 20 minutes. After that, not so much. I mean, don't people know when a joke is over used? I guess not. It's time to get some new material here, newspaper writers. The news is almost ever changing, why can't your bad puns be too? Maybe if the writer only wrote one pun in there, I wouldn't be so mad. But, two. Seriously? Wow.

Not to critize the article (any more than I already have), but Arnie didn't actually make the law. Last time I checked (and this is my field of study in school), legislature writes the law. Last time I checked again, the governor is not in the legislature. Sure, he approved it and signed it into law, but even if he vetoed it, it could still become law. Alright, sure I'm getting nit picky here, but do you really want me going on and on about trans fats again? I didn't think so.

Can A Government Really Ban Fast Food?

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121668254978871827.html?mod=yhoofront

Apparently, yes. I don't know if that violates capitalism or anything, but is this really the most important thing city governments can be doing? I guess lowering crime rates and researching ways to reduce smog aren't as important as worrying what people eat.

Yes, obesity is a problem in this country. There's no doubt about it. But eating healthy foods is a personal choice and personal responsiblity. Why should the government be this conserned with what people eat? The government should stop trying to be our mommy and do something useful. I thought it was ridiculous when NYC made the fast food restaurants change their cooking oil. I think we all know the menu items are incredibly unhealthy, I mean, we all saw Supersize Me.

Where does personal responsiblity come into play? No where. At least not here. People should make their own choices in life, and if not exercising and eating Big Macs and Whoppers all day is their choice, they should pay the consequences.

Asterisk on a Golf Trophy? Michelle Wie Got Into Stanford?

Is Padraig Harrington's Open Championship win doubted? Should there be an asterisk on the trophy because the tournament was Tiger-less? No. After all, Padraig won with Tiger in the field last year. Just because Tiger was not in the tournament doesn't mean Padraig's win should be discredited. Winning a tournament means that the golfer beat all the other golfers in the field of that particular tournament. There have been many tournaments that Tiger hasn't played in that other golfers won. Are those wins questioned or doubted? No. Why should this tournament be any different? Padraig played outstanding golf, especially on the inward 9 on Sunday to capture his second (consecutive) Open Championship. And the good thing about that is that he got to be interviewed again, and he has a cool accent.

Way to go Greg Norman, who lost the tournament. All he had to do was shoot even par to win or one over to force a playoff. It was definately within reach: Norman shot a 2-over par 72 yesterday in 40 mph winds. Harrington shot a 69 today. I'm not saying that Norman lost the tournament as much as Harrington won, but Greg, come on now, you have to do better than that.

Michelle Wie wins the "Where's My Common Sense and Elementary Intelligence?" Award for the month (and there still are 10 days left in July). Wie, well on her way to placing in the top 3 in the LPGA State Farm Classic this weekend to earn her LPGA membership card for the 2009 season failed to sign her scorecard before leaving the scorer's tent on Friday and was disqualified. Last time I checked, signing your scorecard is one of the most fundamental rules of golf. It's the heart of the honor system. And she didn't do it. Stanford accepted her. I hope she had a good transcript and extracurriculars.

Wait, The British Open Is Played At A Summer Resort?

Yes, yes it is. People in the UK actually go to Royal Birkdale in the summer to vacation, or go on holiday as they call it across the pond. In case you weren't watching, they were playing in conditions which weren't exactly ideal. Even if you were Noah and you were building an arc to save the animals. It was raining sideways. (Thank you, Olie.) The temperature didn't top 60 (Fahrenheit) and the wind was up near 30 mph in the early part of the day. If that's the weather in England in the summer, what's it like in the winter? Does it snow frogs?

Looking at the leaderboard (why do they call it a leaderboard if everyone is on it? But, I digress.), US Open runner-up Rocco Mediate is tied for first. Not far behind (one stroke to be exact) is Greg Norman. Yes, Greg Norman. He's 53 years old and doesn't regularly compete anymore, and is only one stroke behind after 18 holes in the Open Championship. Meanwhile, Phil Mickelson (ranked No. 2 in the world) is T-123 after carding a 79. I knew things in England were sometimes topsy-turvy, but I didn't expect it to carry into their national golf championship. I guess that's why I'm not Miss Cleo.

Hopefully, Round 2 is just as enjoyable as Round 1. Hit 'em straight...

Wouldn't Sex In Space Be Hard?

http://www.space.com/scienceastronomy/080707-space-encounters.html
"For all we know, sex in space has already taken place." What? Are you serious? Come on, now. I think the one giant leap for mankind was walking on the moon, not having intercourse on it. And plus, how are you supposed to do it with a spacesuit on? Are there fly zippers?

I thought the article couldn't get any more ridiculous until I read Jason Kring's quote. "To say that astronauts are some superior beings who cannot have interests in any kind of sexual feeling for three years ... I just don't buy it." Ok. Let me get this straight. When an astronaut is in space, he or she is on a mission. A job. If you had sex where you worked wouldn't you get fired? I'm no expert in the 'sex in an office' field but I'm pretty sure it's frowned upon. What happened if she got pregnant? Would that make the baby an alien because it is from outer space?

I am reassured, however, that NASA doesn't have any studies regarding sexuality in space.

But if you do want to have sex in space, there are some tips on how to manage your gravity-less environment. The author of Sex In Space (yes, that's a real book. I can't make this stuff up.) actually details possible intercourse methods such as a "modified missionary position" or "seated with 'interlocking Y legs." Apparently, you can also use props like an elastic waistband. That takes sex toys to a whole new level.

Laura Woodmanesee, the author of the Sex In Space, predicts that "honeymoons in space and out-of-this-world sex will be a reality within a decade." Yes, really. Sounds like a job for Captain Kirk...

Thank God This Pregnant Dude Gave Birth

Now, hopefully, I won't have to keep hearing about it. When I first saw a headline about this pregnant man, I gave it a chance. Then after reading the article, I gave up on it. Just because you have the outside appearance of man doesn't mean you are. That's like saying that if a rhino is born in the water it is a fish. I mean, I have seen girls that look like dudes before. But I know they are still girls. Because they have the insides of a girl. But I guess he's a man because he's legally a man. I don't believe it. If I trusted everything the government tells me, I would think we are winning in Iraq and that the mission was accomplished.

Here's the kicker though. People care so much about this ridiculousness that he appeared on Oprah. Seriously. Oprah. Come on people, don't encourage this man and/or woman.

I just hope he/she doesn't want a second child. I don't want to go through this hullabaloo again.

I Was Right About Sunscreen

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/07/01/sunscreen.study/index.html

But then again, when am I ever wrong? I was watching CNN this morning and they had a segment about how popular brands of sunscreens don't work, and how a key ingredient in almost all sunscreens is harmful. Thank you for proving me right Environmental Working Group.

I was never a big sunscreen advocate, I just put a little (with a low SPF, like 15) on my neck so it doesn't burn because that is really painful. Other than that, I don't lotion up. It feels awful when you put it on; you feel all slimy and gross. And, I never had a good feeling about it. I mean we don't really know what's good for us anymore, do we? Nope. Not at all. I said in about 20 years scientists would tell us the sunscreen was causing skin cancer, not the UV rays. While it is not that extreme (yet), there still are harmful ingredients. If you are still worried about those all natural rays the sun gives off, a bad sunscreen actually increases your danger to the sun. Sunscreen that is waterproof and sweatproof really isn't either. It's just a big money making scam.

It feels good beating science to the right answer.