Lesbian Ants?!?

There's a species of ants that only has females.  That's right, no males.  So how do they reproduce?  They must be lesbians, right?  No, apparently, they reproduce asexually.  (That's without sex.)  Apparently that's quite common in the ant world though.  Who knew?  That's not very exciting though.  I'd much rather have them all be lesbians.  It makes for a better story.  Way to get my hopes up animal kingdom.

MLB Opening Day

Here is my list of thoughts from baseball's opening day.  I know the MLB won't listen to my suggestions, and my humorous observations won't make you laugh if what I say is making fun of your team, but I don't care.

1. Stop starting the season in April.  MLB, listen.  A game was postponed because it was too cold/snowing.  Granted it was in Chicago in early April but still.  Postponing a game because it was too cold is ridiculous.  And yes, I love opening day as much as the next guy, but I get bored of baseball around June.  Start the season in May, and two of my problems with baseball are solved: (1) no more postponing games due to snow, and (2) I won't get bored of it because the season will be shorter.

2. The Pirates and Mariners are in first place.  Ok, it was one game.  But they are.  And come May 1, you might not be able to say that.  Come April 8 you may not be able to say that.  The good thing is that there are 161 more games for them screw it up, and they will probably screw it up in at least 80 of them.

3. The Yankees payroll has not justified itself.  Yes, one game.  But, here are the box scores of the 2 biggest signings of the off season.

CC Sabathia: L (0-1), 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 5 BB, 0 K

Mark Teixeira: 0-4, 5 LOB

I said the Yankees should win 130 games this year.  They still should.  Let's hope their multi-trillion dollar roster earns their money.  Yankees, to make my prediction true, you only have 31 more games to lose.  Good luck.

Don't Use Your Umbrellas If It's Not Raining

That is all.  But really, if it's not raining, you don't need it.  Believe me.  The point of an umbrella is to keep you dry when its raining.  If it's not raining, you don't need it to keep you dry.  Even if it's like a drip of rain every 153.6 seconds, you don't need it.  Trust me.  Try it one day.  You'll like it, look like less of an idiot, and make me happy.